Challenge Day One

Howdy :)

I started Chris' challenge today and I'm right on track.  The calorie cap is 1500 and I'm at 1356.  I walked 30 mins on the treadmill.  It was a slow walk, but I got it done.  My obsessive food thoughts are right on track as well, lol.  Ahhh...the life of a food addict.  This is day one of many previous day one's.  I know it gets easier if I stay consistent.  That's the purpose of this 100 day challenge.  If you do something long enough, day in and day out, it eventually becomes a habit.  The key word in that sentence is "consistency"...something I've always struggled with.

I almost gave up for good.  I haven't really tried to lose weight for the last year.  And I noticed that w/ no effort at all, I tend to stay around the same weight, within 5 lbs. back and forth.  I caught myself wondering just a couple of months ago....can I be happy at this weight the rest of my life?  Trying to lose takes so much effort, so much frustration.  Do I want to fool with even trying anymore?  Can I be happy at a deuce and a half from now until forever? 

I wanted the answer to be yes.  I really, really wanted to accept my fatness and be happy and content with it at the same time.  I wanted to finally concede to never trying again....not care...just accept that I'll always be the fat girl...and learn to be happy with it.

But...I obviously couldn't fully give up on myself or I wouldn't be here with a new blog.  There's always that little flicker....that little spark that just will not burn out.  I tried to stamp it out.  I tried to smother it....but it Just. Won't. Die.

So here I am....trying again.  I'm continuing my journey, trying to find my way to the freedom that something inside me insists that I find.  Some part of me believes I'm worth it.  There's some part of me that loves me enough to ignore the embarassment from continuously faltering and put myself out there once again...blogging about my life like it's an open book.  Putting yourself out there makes you vulnerable...true enough.  But it also provides the comraderie that I've been missing.  I've always loved the blog world.  The support is like no other.  People with the same issues & struggles, but also the same desire to be better.  There's plenty of inspiration to be found and sharing each other's victories is so uplifting. 

My starting weight this morning was 251.4.  We will be weighing every 2 weeks during this challenge.  Thank you to all of the die-hard friends that hit the follow button last night and today.  In less than 24 hours, 14 of you gave me your support.  It makes my heart smile and keeps the wind in my sails. I've missed you.   I've said it before and I'll say it again....you're like family to me.

It's good to be home. :)