Yesterday was shaky but I'm happy to report that my calories came in at 1430! I was nervous and feeling disconcerted all day yesterday due to the binge the day before. I really thought I had moved past that behavior and the fact that I didn't had me not trusting myself at all.
One of my long-time readers commented that she wasn't really sure it was a binge...she noted I had grape tomatoes, an orange, and actually counted out 1 svg. of Pop Chips. I will admit that with past binges, the actual food I ate was a lot worse/junky, and even a higher volume. But to me....it was the behavior and the feelings I had that drove the eating. That's what defined the binge for me. The frantic, out-of-control feelings with life and shoving down the food for some kind of temporary relief or distraction (although I know in my brain that it's never a solution and fixes absolutely nothing...it only makes things worse). No matter what kind of food I ate, or how many calories it actually was really isn't it....it's the feelings driving the behavior...the behavior itself. It was definitely a binge mentality.
This morning I wanted a scrambled egg sandwich for breakfast...but have held off on that and haven't eaten anything yet. I do this every day....obsess over what I should and shouldn't eat. Try to figure out how to spread my calories out over the day. I'm diabetic, so I always have to keep a close eye on the carb intake. 2 slices of sourdough bread is 240 calories. Add in a couple of eggs and swipe of mayo and the calories are a little hefty. I've been trying to make breakfast my smallest calorie intake, in case I get stupid after dinner and want to snack. Most mornings I'll have a couple of cheesesticks (120 cals) or 2 boiled eggs (150 cals).
Yesterday when I got home from work, I had only consumed 630 cals throughout the day. That left me 870 for dinner and whatever else. We made grilled "pita" pizzas....but I didn't have any pita bread. We used some round whole wheat flatbread that I bought last weekend. They're 260 cals each. I put a little sauce (1/4 c. is 30 cals...I used less than that), a sprinkling of cheese (1/8 c.), turkey pepperoni. I would have normally put onions, bell peppers and mushrooms on it, but didn't have any in the frig.
A couple of hours later, I wanted to eat again. So I made a big ass spinach salad with 3 c. of fresh spinach, 1 tbsp. of bacon bits, tomato and cucumber with 2 tbsp. of Italian dressing (110 cals). Then I found some grilled chicken left in the frig from Sunday's dinner so I chopped up 5 oz. on top of my salad for 150 cals. The salad was delish and perfect.
And are you ready for this? Dwayne was watching me make the salad and he said, "I think I'll have a little spinach, too". Ummm...WHAT??? Who are you and what have you done with my non-veggie eating boyfriend????? Imposter!! lol He had a little romaine and a little spinach with a splash of Italian. I asked if he wanted me to put cukes and tomatoes on it and he said no. I certainly didn't want to push things so I just let him eat his little half bowl of greens. (He said that fresh spinach just tastes like lettuce to him). I know. I'm still floored this morning just thinking about it.
A friend came over last night and we played a game of Scrabble. I did NOT provide the guys with a bowl of chips like I normally do...and guess what...nobody died. At 11pm the food thoughts showed up again and I said HELL NO and put myself to bed, ending the calories at 1430 for the day. I only drank 64 oz. of water though, which is not nearly enough. I need to be doubling that, and will work on it today.
Dwayne, Scarlette and I are taking a short wknd trip up to Helen, GA. It's a little touristy place up in the North Georgia mountains, made to look like a German town. Dwayne and I both agreed we need a change of scenery and a distraction from every day life. We found a cheap room for $60/nite and are driving up Sat morn and coming back Sun afternoon. I'm looking forward to it.
I'm feeling better today....I hope you're all feeling good, too. Make it a great day, friends. :)