Saturday, March 3, 2012

Down Hill & The Up Side

Really bad eating today.  I woke up with my ovaries screaming at me and realized I'd started my cycle overnight.  This is how foolish I am.  I know, know, know it comes every 2 weeks, and yet sometimes...I still forget.  I've been so focused on this diet I'm doing with my friend this week that I completely forgot to figure out the days and know that my cycle would show up before my weigh-in on Wed.  I haven't been on the scale this week, wanting a nice surprise when I got to the weigh-in.  This morning I couldn't stand it and jumped on.  I'm exactly 240.0, which is exactly what I was at the last weigh-in, which means whatever I DID manage to lose has been replaced with water weight.  I was beyond pissed off and threw everything out the window this morning with the restrictive eating...and I did it ON PURPOSE. 

I've been mad at the world all day...but I did manage to reign in some bit of rational thinking.  One thing that I think is obvious is that I'm obsessed with the numbers to define my success.  I forced myself to admit today that there are other indicators, like the way your clothes fit, the compliments I've been receiving from friends and co-workers about my shrinking size, etc.

I bought those size 22 pants 2 weeks ago, which proved to be a little too big after wearing them a few hours.  I told myself after I dropped 10 more lbs. that I'd go try on some size 20's.  Well in an effort to improve my crappy mood and my disgust over my aching ovaries, I decided today was the day!!  I took my $20 in Kohl's cash that I earned a cpl weeks ago and I hit the clearance rack!!  I ended up buying one blouse for work and 2 pairs of SIZE 20 PANTS!!!  They are a little snug, but I can get them on w/o unbuttoning them, and that tells me they'll work just fine.  After redeeming my Kohl's cash, I spent $25 out of pocket for 2 pairs of pants and a blouse for work.  Not bad!!

It's nearing the evening hours, and to tell you the truth, I'm still pissed, lol.  I'm TRYING to get the right mindset back and make tomorrow an awesome day.  Dinner tonight is steamed shrimp and some veggies.  Pretty harmless.  I've got a good mind not to even step on that effing scale on Wed, but I committed to a challenge so I have to.  I really need to create the habit of telling myself it's only going to show up as 1-2 lbs/wk and stop expecting something phenomenal.  I have to keep reminding myself that consistency is more important than speed.  It's harder to do during your cycle with the raging hormones, the uncomfortable bloating and the insane cravings.  I continue to find it incredibly unfair that I have to deal with this twice a month instead of once a month like a NORMAL female.  But it is what it is.  I had the right attitude about this when I first started back to blogging and weight loss.  Today...not so much.  :)

Sorry about the rant....might not post for the next few days due to my mood...we'll see how it goes.  If I don't have something nice to say, I won't say anything at all.  Happy Saturday everyone.  :)

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