I Lost Something

Guess what I lost?  A pants size!! 

I went shopping for pants this wknd....my absolute least favorite thing to do.  I tend to wear my clothes until they're completely faded and thread bare because I hate shopping so much.  I had gotten to that point.

I went to Kohl's to see what I could find on the clearance rack.  I pulled off 8 pairs of pants...in a size 24 and headed to the fitting room.  I had been in a size 26 for quite a while.  Knowing I dropped nearly 10 lbs. in the first 2 wks of the weight loss challenge, and possibly a little more in the last couple of weeks, I thought I might could squeeze into a 24 by now.  Nonetheless, as I headed for the fitting room, as usual, my heart was filled with fear.  Shopping usually induces a near panic attack in me...I just hate it. 

I'm always scared that nothing I grabbed off the rack is going to fit...I'm always going to be too fat for anything in the store....especially a store that's not specifically a "plus size" store.  And standing in front of those damn mirrors when nothing fits is just my idea of a really bad day.  Then comes the berating of how could I let myself get so friggin' fat in the first place....my size is so embarassing...if I didn't have to work I'd never go out in public, etc. etc.  This is why I very rarely go clothes shopping, lol.

But yesterday was a new experience....a GOOD experience.  I tried on all 8 pairs of the size 24  pants, and not a single one of them fit.  Not a single one. 

They were all TOO BIG.  It's almost like although I knew I'd lost a little weight, I never considered that my clothing size would reduce.  I was truly standing there, with all of those pants in a heap at my feet, trying to make my brain comprehend that I had a lost a size.  I know it sounds dramatic for dropping one size, but I was really standing there in disbelief.

At one point in my original blog, I had gotten down to 222 lbs.  I was wearing 18's and 20's in tops and pants.  Then I climbed back up the scale.  I had to buy bigger clothes again because I had gotten rid of my bigger stuff as I moved down the scale....never to gain that weight again!!  Yeah...right.  I wore my clothes until I just couldn't breathe in them anymore, and had to break down and buy bigger sizes again.  I was back in a 26.  I remember feeling so defeated...kinda' like when I had gotten over 300 lbs. and thought I had passed the point of no return.  I was just going to be in this size the rest of my life and that was that.

For whatever reason, I decided to give this weight loss thing another whirl....and if I wanted to be totally truthful....really didn't believe I'd make anything of it.  So I wasn't even thinking about smaller sizes.  I have found encouragement in knowing I'm only 45 lbs. from goal....but obviously didn't compute that into smaller clothing sizes.  I'm so glad I went shopping now, because being able to wear a smaller size and actually see that smaller number on the tag makes things a lot more tangible.  It's like, "Holy crap I'm really doing this!"  It makes up for all of those days when you really don't FEEL like writing down every calorie...but you do it anyway.  You would RATHER have the double bacon cheeseburger that your boyfriend is eating, but you choose the grilled chicken instead.  I'm thinking it will be a good idea to go try on some pants with every 15 lbs. lost.  It's a good motivator and keeps the spirits lifted. 

So...I went back out to the clearance rack and found 3 pairs of pants in a size 22 and tried them on.  They all fit so perfectly and comfortably.  I bought all 3 pairs, along with 3 new tops off the clearance rack.  I spent $107 out of the $120 that Dwayne gave me for Valentine's Day.  What a wonderful gift.  :)

I'm smiling wearing my size 22's because I know the size 20's are right around the corner.  Make it a good day!  :)