Wednesday, February 15, 2012

So Close To Goal

Good morning!  I got a little kick in the rear this morning so I thought I'd share.  This morning is my unofficial weigh-in and I'm up 2 lbs.  I was a little surprised, so had to go back over the last 7 days and figure out what's going on.  It didn't take long.  A little complacency has slipped in with the calorie capping.  I do great all the way through dinner, but have gotten lax on night-time snacks after I've reached my 1500 cal limit.  There has been no bingeing at all, but there were also a couple of restaurant celebrations.  Last Saturday we went to lunch with Dwayne's mom for his birthday.  I wanted the big ass deep-fried seafood platter.  What I chose instead was the grilled shrimp and scallops with a plain sweet potato off the "lighter appetite/senior citizen" menu.  Sodium is always an issue though when you eat in a restaurant.  Then there was yesterday...more celebrating for Valentine's Day.  No chocolate, mind you, but more sodium.  So yeah, a 2 lb. gain well-deserved.

Not to fear though!  I've strapped the blinders back on this morning.  I got bored with having chicken every day for lunch for the last 3 wks so this week it's been tuna salad.  It's 325 cals for my serving and it breaks down like this:

1 can solid white tuna  140 cals
1 boiled egg                  75 cals
2 tbsp. light mayo          90 cals
lil onion/dill pickle          20 cals

Total:                          375 cals

I eat this w/ either a 110 calorie bagel thin or w/ a svg. of low fat Wheat Thins for 130 cals.  It's a yummy lunch.

It looks like I may be taking 2 svgs with me today, as I have an Errand Fairy appt. right after I leave the insurance job and will probably last a couple of hours.  Normally, by the time I leave work at 5pm and get home at 6pm I feel like I'm starving to death.  So I have to make sure I don't get stuck out at dinner time and hit a drive-thru.  That's a bad idea.  So tuna salad for dinner tonight.  Plan and prep is what keeps me out of trouble! 

Thank goodness the official weigh-in for the challenge only happens every 2 wks.  I've got a week to dump these 2 lbs. and hopefully shave off a couple of more.

I was laying in bed last night thinking.  That's when I do all of my best thinking.  I just can't believe I'm only 45 lbs. from goal right goal being 199 lbs.  I was thinking back to when I was 340 lbs. at my highest.  Those were sad times.  I was going through some life changes and a lot of depression.  The thought of losing all of that weight felt so impossible.  I don't know why, but I had this thought in my mind as I was creeping up towards the 300 lb. mark that if I went over, that would be past the point of no return.  If I got over 300 lbs., there would be no way I could ever lose that much weight.  I'd be too far gone....completely hopeless.

Well THANK GOD I was wrong about that.  Thank God.  Completely hopeless?  Says who? 

Somehow, some way, I took that first step.  I stood there, looking at my life, my body riddled with diabetes, hypothyroid issues, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, morbid obesity...couldn't walk to the mailbox without losing all my breath, and only 32 years old.  And I turned around, right where I stood, and started walking in the other direction.  I turned my back on the dim, understandably SHORT future that lay in front of me, and took the first step towards changing my life.

Last night, laying in bed, with all of these thoughts, I felt thankful....THANKFUL...that I'm only 45 lbs. from my goal.  The realization that I'm going to make it out was overwhelming.  Look how far I've come.  Amazing.  There's been a lot of prayer, a lot of determination, focus and sheer will to get me where I am now.  And there has always been hope.  There is always hope. 

When I decided to start blogging again after a year in limbo and stagnant weight, I decided to take what I'd learned from the previous couple of years in blog land and apply it to this go'round.  Number one is to keep a positive attitude.  Number two was to keep things on an even keel....don't go setting ridiculous goals, setting myself up for failure, getting frantic and diving headlong into bingeing.  Number three is to really, really work on consistency.  As you can see from this last week, complacency has set in very early on in my challenge.  That's a huge no-no, and what led to the thoughts last night.  I didn't want to see a gain at all when I started this challenge, so it was important not to let my thoughts get negative and chastise myself for losing the consistency that I've struggled with so much in the past.  I'm not going to lament over it...I'm going to fix it.  I'm going to move forward with the happy knowledge that I've only got 45 lbs. to go before I declare victory.

The truth is, I'll probably want to drop more weight after I get to 199 lbs.  But another thing that was very important to me when I started the blog again was to set a goal # that I felt was completely reasonable and attainable.  I'm not one of those people that can leave things open-ended.  I rely on numbers...that's just the way my brain works.  And I wanted a # that wasn't too far away from where I currently was....251.4 lbs.  But the biggest reason I chose 199 is because I truly cannot remember the last time there was a "1" in front of my weigh #.  In fact, the last # I can remember my weight being was either 234 or 237 lbs. in my senior year of high school.  I was 17 years old then.  I am now 39.  Was it 10th grade?  9th grade?  I just cannot remember.  So for me to see 199 on the scale, after being 340, just feels like a victorious number to me.  It feels like success in my mind, so I'll call that my "main" goal, but not my overall goal.  However, I absolutely refuse to think about a number lower than that at this stage.  My full focus is on that 199.  My full focus is on ONLY having 45 more lbs. to lose.  It's what motivates me.

My goodness...I wrote a book!!  lol  Sorry about that...just sharing the thoughts that are keeping a smile on my face today.  I hope all of you are moving in the right direction as well.  Most importantly...believe in yourself.  No matter where you started or where you're CAN get to where you're headed.  Believe it.  :)


  1. Loved reading "your book." ;0)
    It's not been a good week for me either and I too haven't binged. Guess it's "par for the course."
    IMAGINE IT and it will come to use m/f. (((hugs)))Pat

  2. It's good when a lot of stuff pours out you hadn't planned. I think it means your heart is open and needing to get stuff out. I love how your brief little gain caused you to reflect back over the week - very wise. I know you can do it, Tammy, and when you hit your current goal, it might not be a bad idea to pause for a bit and see what it takes to stay THERE! Love you!

  3. Great book! lol. I was feeling the same way about the 300's. I topped out at 307, and to be honest, I figured I would never have the strength to fight back and lose all the weight again (158lbs). To think about it as a whole is SO daunting! I'm glad I took the first step too. I'm at 236 right now, and have 199 as my goal for my 30th birthday in June. Other than that one, I'm trying not to have a specific number goal for my body. I want to work on being healthy, fit, happy and able to wear cute clothes.

  4. Wonderful post and so glad to see you blogging again! You are right that complacency is such a dangerous thing in weight loss. But if you catch it fast, you are the winner!